


SSB: TAS episode 7: If Kirby Was In... Batman

by Quartz2006



Series: Super Smash Bros: The Animated Series [7]
Category: Batman: The Animated Series, Kirby - All Media Types, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Action, Adventure, Blood, Crime Fighting, Death, Enemies to Friends, Friendship, Gen, Kidnappers - Freeform, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 16:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20028901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quartz2006/pseuds/Quartz2006
Summary: Kirby didn't like BTAS, but when Kirby got kidnapped and learn the truth, he helps Batman... And his villains?!Note: I don't own Super Smash Bros and batman, only the storyKirby's POV





	SSB: TAS episode 7: If Kirby Was In... Batman

It was a morning day, I was playing the Grassland with the Bat-Family. We were playing a game of Hide And Attack.

Bane was the attacker, I hide behind the big rock, (the one Jr. fall and scratch his eye).

Bane already caught Poison Ivy, Catwoman and Man-Bat. I took out my sword, (the 3 million dollar sword) and prepare to attack Bane.

How do you play hide and attack? Well, it's like hide and seek, but more um? How do you say this? More violent shall we say. Don't worry bane didn't kill the three people I mentioned. 

I was about to attack bane from behind the big rock, when a tiny voice said, "Hey Kirby!" 

I yelled while the Bat-family took out their weapons.

Batman throws his bat boomerangs. 

It was Pichu who called out to me. 

I'm surprised Pichu dodged the boomerangs. 

I yelled, "HOLY SHIT PICHU! YOU ALMOST GOT DECAPITATION BY BATMAN'S BOOMERANGS!" 

Pichu said, "I'm sorry Kirby, I just really want to ask you a question"

Harley Quinn said, "After you almost got your head cut off? Sure yellow mouse, ask Kirby a question!" 

Pichu said, "Kirby, how did the Bat-Family and you met?"

I said, "Its a very long story, and I mean, VERY LONG! You understood?" 

Pichu nodded.

I was about to say when Batman tapped my head and whisper to me, "Are you sure you want to do this Kirby? Your friend is what? 7 years old? And might get nightmares from the killing,"

I replied, "Look I don't want to make Pichu cry, trust me when Pichu cries. It makes you want to KILL YOURSELF!"

Batman just stayed silent.

"Alright Pichu, you ready?" 

He nodded.

"This is the story.... How I met these guys"

"And us villains become his friend," said The Joker.

"Shut up!" Said Two-Face.

Flashback (the night when Fox and Falco got married)

It was a crazy night, Smashers were drinking, dancing, pole dancing, and kissing. Falco and Fox official got married and the Hands throw us a big party, kinda like the ball. I drank too much grape vodka. I could barely stand.

I need to lie down.

I went to the living room and lie down on the couch.

Just as I was about to drift off to sleep.

A figure said, "Hey Kirby!"

I screamed as I jump and hit the ceiling with my head.

I landed on the couch. "Ouch..."

"Sorry Kirby, I wanted to tell you something," Said Pit.

"Yeah, you're going to get your ass kicked by Meta Knight, anyways what do you want to tell me?" I said as I put my hand on my head.

"You want to watch Batman: The Animated Series?"

"After that creepy episode? Pit, I can't, because I'm too drunk to watch anything,"

"Pretty please? This episode is not creepy," begged Pit.

I sigh, Pit put on a DVD into the DVD player. The episode reads: Almost Got 'Im.

The episode starts with some of the Batman villains, The Joker, Killer Croc, The Penguin and the creepiest Batman villain, Two-Face. They are playing a game of Poker. They each tell their stories how they almost killed Batman.

"Kirby, I got a question for you." Said Pit.

"What now?" I said angrily.

"Would it be cool to see Batman, his partners and his villains in real life?" Pit said.

"Pit, it's just a stupid cartoon about a stupid bat who beats up villains,"

"Why do you got to be so mean!?" Said Pit.

"Because I never watched cartoons in my life, I heard of it, but I never watched it," I said.

I was starting to get bored, Pit was asleep when the episode ended. Now, this is my chance to get out and go to my room.

Just as I about to, a flying bat machine breaks the glass window. Pit woke up, he saw the flying bat machine. He took out his swords and tried to attack it but the flying bat machine had guns and attacked Pit.

"Nice job dickhead!" I said as the flying bat machine took me away while Pit screamed.

After a few minutes, Gotham City appeared, the flying bat machine landed on a big roof as it places me on the rooftop floor.

Just as I about to take out my sword, a voice said, "Hello kiddy!"

I know that voice.

I rolled my eyes and turned around, there was The Joker, smiling very creepy. Behind him was Batman, his partners and the rest of the villains.

Batman saw me, he went up to me. "Hello, kid, welcome to the mission,"

"What mission?" I said.

Two-Face came behind Batman. "To rescue 278 children, from 200 kidnappers,"

"Yeah!" Said the rest of the villains, and Batman's partners.

"Wait, wait, wait, why are you guys together? Should to be enemies?" I said.

Poison Ivy spoke, "We all planned this together so all of us can save those poor children,"

"And don't forget to cut the kidnappers' balls in half," The Joker said in anger.

"And why am I here? I am not a superhero like you Batman," I said.

Batman said, "Its because we needed another member, so I and Two-Face build the Bat-Machine to find the bravest, the smartest, fellow around Gotham City and the Bat-Machine picked you!"

"B-but, I could barely fight! I am not a professional fighter yet!" I said.

"Its ok, pink kid, you have us behind your back!" Harley Quinn said happily.

"Enough chatting with the kid! We have children to save!" Said Batgirl.

The crew nodded and went inside what looks like a bat helicopter. Batman is the driver.

"What are you waiting for pink? Come on and save children!" Said Catwoman.

"And cut their asses in half!" Said Scarface.

I sigh as I got on the helicopter. embarrassingly, Scarecrow buckles my seat belt.

"You know I can buckle my seat belt myself you know," I said.

"And get choked up?" Scarecrow said.

I stayed silent throughout the whole trip, I have no idea where are we going, maybe to the kidnappers' hide-out?

After what seems like forever, we landed, I looked at the window, we are on top of a roof.

We all got off the helicopter, I never been this side of Gotham City, looks abandoned.

Batman explained we have to wait for the kidnappers to bring more children, and then we get on the trucks. Sounds like a weird plan.

"But what are we going to do while we wait?" Said, Bane.

"We can get to know the kid more," said Robin (in the show, Tim Drake is the new Robin).

"Good idea, Timmy!" Said Nightwing.

"It's Tim, not Timmy to piece of bird shit!" Robin is in anger.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Calm down Robin! You just joined me and this is the way you treat the original Robin!?" Batman said.

"Sorry, It just slipped out of my mouth," Robin said.

"Better use that mouth for some else," smirked Nightwing.

"Dick....." Batman said in anger. "Anyways, kid, let us a bit about yourself,"

I gulped, "Well, I'm 12 years old," I said.

"12 years old!? Wow, I expected you to be my age, 14," said Robin.

"And now your gender!" Said Scarecrow.

I actually getting used to saying my gender a lot more often than way back.

"I'm intersex," I spoke.

They all looked at me with shock looks.

"Are you serious? Your both gender! Never seen that before," said Batman. "Cool discovery!"

"And where do you live?" Said The Joker.

"I live in a place called Super Smash Bros. I used to live with my parents in downtown Gotham City," I said.

"Downtown Gotham City? I used to live there before I went to university Gotham," said Scarecrow.

"And what was your experience in Smash Bros?" Said Batgirl.

"At first, I hated it because I didn't want to leave my parents, but when I made lots of friends, I loved the place!" I said.

"And what do you do at Smash Bros?" Said Penguin.

"Lots of stuff, like cooking, going around the world, and lots more. The main activity is fighting,"

"Fighting? Really? I want to go to Smash Bros!" Said Robin.

"It's high in the sky," I corrected Robin.

"BULLSHIT!" Yelled Robin.

"Sounds like a fun place to live," said Catwoman.

"But the place has rules, and I mean, actual rules that no Smasher must never break," I said.

"Oh..." They all said.

Just as I about to say, a huge honk echo cane out of nowhere.

"This is our ride guys! Cmon! Let's go!" Said Two-Face.

Clayface disturbingly grew arms all over his body, he picks up all of us and jumps into the top of the moving truck.

"Ouch, my ass!" Said Robin.

The truck when inside this abandoned building, I am shocked, the guards didn't see us, are they blind?

Clayface picked us up again and grabbed on a pole.

He swings off the pole and landed behind boxes.

"Ouch, my ass again!" Said Robin.

Batman whispered, "Alright, guys, we are inside, so here is the plan: We sneak up behind the guards QUICKLY and then we attack!"

"Nah, I got a better idea old bats, why not we just attack them and that it," Robin said. "Here, I'll show you old people,"

He jumps out of behind the boxes, then we heard gunshots, The Joker wrote a sign, it said: "He's fucked up!'

Surprisingly, Batman and the rest nodded, I nodded too.

Robin's body appeared as it landed hard on the floor. "Ouch, my ass!" His body is filled with gunshot holes and got a bruise on his head, how is he not dead?

"See, this what happens when you don't listen to plans," Two-Face said. "Some of my goons did that long ago."

Robin stood up, his neck is broken. "Fine, we will stick to Batman's plan,"

Just as we were about to sneak up, a guard appeared with a huge gun in his hands.

"Chto za khren'? (What the fuck?)" He said.

"What did he say?" Killer Croc said.

"I know what he said because I'm Russian," I said.

"Tell us what did he say?!" Said Catwoman.

"He said: What the fuck?" I said.

The guard gasped. "Rebyata, v zdanii yest' zloumyshlenniki! (Guys, there are Intruders in the building-!)"

He was cut off by getting shot on the head.

We all gasped, it was Robin who pulled the trigger.

"Nice good dickface!" I said.

"What!? He has a fucking machine gun so we don't end up like chicken meat!" Robin said.

The sirens started while saying: "Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert!"

All the guards pointed our gun to the boxes where we at, I took out my knife.

"Fuck it!" Batman said. "Attack!"

We all destroyed the boxes as we attacked several guards.

Bane punched 2 guards in the head, breaking their skulls, Catwoman uses her 12-foot-long whip, Batman kicks and punches some guards, some of the villains use their guns, others attack by punching, I stabbed some of them in the back and sometimes on the heart.

Then I saw a guard going inside a room, I followed the guard into the room, what I saw was so terrifying, the 278 kids are tied up on the wall while the guard hit them, their screams, oh god, their screams.

I watch as horror as the poor kids getting hit badly, then Batgirl came behind me. "Hey, Kirby what are you looking at- AHHH!" She screamed.

The guard turned around in shock, he tried to run but Batgirl throws one of her bat boomerangs at the guard.

The rest came to the scene of the crime.

"Oh my god, what a mess these guys made, Jesus Christ!" Said The Mad Hatter.

"I think some of them got fuck in the tight hole," said Robin.

The Riddler punch Robin in the cheek hard. "You need to shut up Timmy boy!"

We untied the kids from the wall, I am so glad they are not killed.

"Well, that's done, all we gotta do is give the parents their kids back and then I can go home," I said.

"Not so fast, pink kid, we still have to find who is responsible for the kidnapping," Batman said.

I sigh, and I noticed something, on the 20th floor of the building, there is a red door, I told everyone about the door, they seemed surprised.

We all went upstairs, just as I were about to open the door, Batman shoves his body to the door and the door opened.

"Alright, it's over!- What the fuck?!" Batman said.

We all came onto the room, there was a man, with dead bodies hanging on the wall.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Batman and his villain crew," said the man.

"Were you the one who is responsible for the kidnapping of 278 kids?" Said Batgirl.

"Why yes I am, big tits, the reason why I ordered 200 guards is because children have the most beautiful body in the world, I wanted to make love their body!" He said.

I vomit on the floor. "Are you fucking insane!" I wipe my mouth. "Those children shouldn't face that kind of abuse! It's not right!"

"I agree!" Said Catwoman.

"I don't because I love to see child cornography!" Said Robin.

Again, The Riddler punch Robin in the face, very hard this time.

The man spoke, "Anyways, I'll call my guards to bring me the children-"

"Too late, we defeated all of them." Said Two-Face.

The man gasped.

"Some of them are dead," Two-Face spoke.

The man said, "Then I'll get the ones who are not dead-"

"They are all knock out like chicken breast," Robin said.

"Damn it!" The man muttered.

We were ready to attack this son of a monster.

"I-uh? Cmon, it's just a prank!" He said sounding scared.

Then he jumps out of the window, I tried to catch him but he gone. "Shit! Almost got 'im!"

"Ah, it's ok, pink kid, he will come back for sure!" Said Harley Quinn.

"It's Kirby," I finally said my name after they call me kid or pink kid.

"Kirby? Aww! That's a cute name!" Said Batgirl.

"Kirby is an ok name but Tim is better," Robin said.

"Tim Horton's! Be nice!" Said Nightwing.

"Alright, everyone! Listen up!" Batman said. "We take the kids back to their parents and then the mission is done!"

"Actually, I like hanging out with you Batman," Scarecrow said.

"Me too," said Two-Face.

"But, you guys are villains, and when we fight, that is hanging out," Batman said.

"No, no, what we ment is like stopping other villains in the city with you," said Catwoman.

"So all of you are saying is that you guys wanted to stop being villains and help Batman?" I said. "Pretty weird but I'm ok with it!"

End flashback

"And so, we gave the parents their kids back and everything went well, except for the part where one parent kicked me on the head and hit a garbage can. The end," I said happily.

For the whole time, Pichu was sleeping.

Great, now I had to tell the story again.

Batman said, "Don't worry Kirby, me and Two-Face record what you said," 

Two-Face nodded.

For some reason, Pit arrived at the grassland, he waved to me and The Bat-Family. 

Pit said, "Hey, transgender! hey, Bat-Family!" 

I sigh in disappointment.

They waved back at Pit. 

He noticed Pichu was sleeping on the ground, he placed Pichu on a nearby rock.

Bane said, "Can we get back to playing Hide And Attack?"

We all nodded.

Pit wanted to join, but I punch him in the face because he called me by that word again.

The end

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this hasn't come a few days ago, you see, in the original story, the story was so bad, I had to rewrite, anyway, here it is! While I was rewriting the story, I also rewrite some other stories so you can read a lot!


End file.
